Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Two Cows explain moosic

60s Rock 'n' Roll: You have two cowbells.
80's: You have 2 white cows. They play that funky music.
Ambient: You have two evergrowing pulsating cows.
Baroque: You have two cows and they are identically identical.
Bebop: Cows don't matter, man. Just be cool.
Big Band: You have two cows. You give one of them all of the 1st Trumpet parts. The other is extremely jealous.
Blues: You had two cows. One o' them died while still a calf. The other done you wrong an' gave her milk to another man.
Blues 2: You have two cows. Only two cows. You write several sets of lyrics for those cows to make it look like you have a large repertory of cows. No one seems to notice that you just keep playing the same two cows over and over.
Bluegrass: You have two cows. They fall in love, then one of them dies. Also, you work in a coal mine and drink heavily.
British Punk: You have two bulls that spend all their time getting drunk at the pub and shagging fat cows.
Celtic: You have two cows. They're both very drunk all the time and are usually sailing to someplace or other.
Classical: You have two cows. They're sound asleep.
Classical 2: Golden Age: You have two cows. One is deaf, and the other dies before reaching adulthood. Their mooing is revered by countless thousands for centuries.
Contemporary: You have two cows that are radically different than your friends; you therefor shove your cows in his or her face proving how 'revolutionary' you are.
Creedence Clearwater Revival: You have two cows. You primarily sell the milk from one cow until you find that the other one produces far superior milk, so you switch to the second cow's milk and become a millionaire. Four years later, the first cow becomes resentful of the second cow, so you decide to get an equal amount of milk from both cows, resulting in far less profit for you. This results in the second cow leaving the farm, and years afterward, you and the first cow sue the second cow because the milk that it produces now is far too similar to the milk that it produced when you owned it.
Emoo: You have two dark, brooding cows who get no respect from their dads and constantly moo about it off-key. The mooing is overly sappy and difficult to listen to, and you don't really know for sure if it's cool or not.
Emoo 2: You have two cows. So what? You're gonna die anyway.
Folk: You have two cows. They trade in their leather for natural fiber skins, eat organic grass, and try to organize your other animals to topple the Bush in your yard.
Frankie Goes to Hollywood: When your two cows go to war, a point is all that you can score.
Funk: You have two black cows from outer space. And now they’re back.
Glam Rock: You have two cows, one is a boy and one is a girl, you can't tell which cow is a boy and which cow is a girl but you're pretty sure both are gay anyways.
Gospel : Can I get a "moo"? ("Moo!") I said, can I get a "moo"? ("Moo!") 'Cause you got two cows, brother, and they're comin' home in glory to the Land o’ Milk and Honey!
Grindcore: You have two cows. You're such a faggot. I freakin’ raped your cows.
Heavy Metal: You have two cöws. Mü. (they get rich selling black Mü Tshirts)
Hip Hop: You have two cows. They moo about ghetto life from their personal recording studios in their $20,000,000 barns, then hop in pimped-out trailers to head to the World Moosic Awards.
Indie: You have two cows whose music tastes are so superior, they refuse to listen to anything besides vinyls of unlabeled, obscure bands.
Industrial Rock: You have two cows, one of which joins Ministry while the other produces some poor quality remixes of FLA's early work.
Intelligent Dance Moosic: You have two cows who would die for the Aphex Twin.
Jam Band: You have two cows. They think grass isn't just for grazing.
Jazz:You have two cows. One plays the drums with it's udder and the other blows on his horn as if it just got milked.
Metal (Black): You wanna sacrifice the cows to the Dark Lord. They're not virgins (because you sodomized and deflowered them), but you slaughter them anyway.
Metal (Death): You have two cows. You give them to the Black Metal guys. You then sing about how you sacrificed them to the Dark Lord.
Metal (Doom): You have two stoned cows. They graze a swampy graveyard at night, while the grim reaper watches from the mist.
Metal (Gore): You set your two cows on fire and rape them. They revive as zombies. You rape the zombies.
Metal (Gothic): You've got two cows. Both want to marry each other. One cant, so they attempt to kill themself and fail. The other then kills himself. Then there is much weeping. The end.
Metal (Nü): You've got two cows. Nobody likes you, and your dad raped you. You wanna kill yourself.
Metal (Power): The warrior must rescue two cows from a dragon. He reaches the Castle and slays the dragon. (Insert Solo Virtuoso here.) Two cows are finally safe.
Minimalism : You. You. You. You. Have. You. Have. You. Have. You. Have. Two. You. Have. Two. Two. Cows. You. Have. Two. Cows. You. Have. Two. Cows. Cows. Have. You. Two. Cows. Have. You. Too. Two. Cows. Have. You. You. Have. Cows. Cows. Cows. Cows. Cows. Cows.
New Age: You have two cows. They, they want to swim; like the dolphins they want to swim and go for a stroll in the Museum of Fine Arts.
New country : You have two cows. They dance around to a sampled steel-guitar twang and flash their navels seductively, then leave Nashville so they can get on VH1.
New wave : You have two cows that make repeated jerky, robotic movements while mooing in a detached monotone.
Oi!: You have two cows that wear boots, and you let them loose to trample your boss and bust down the doors at the local police station.
Opera: You have two cows in a china closet, they break glass with their moos while the audience break wind and snooze.
Orthodox Chant: You have two cows ordained as chanters. At Pascha, they sing in 19 different languages.
Pop : A big label has two cows. They moo vapidly about mooing, the vast wealth that comes from mooing, or their relationship with an anonymous third cow. They cannot moo on the radio without payola.
Prog Rock: Your self, which may or may not be real, is in possession of two bovine creatures. But what is the "self" anyway? How can one know if one is oneself, or just part of some sort of great, larger moo cow? Is there a God? Are these creatures, in fact, here? How can one have possession of something? What is your right, your privilege to own two creatures? (15 minute instrumental)I have ventured far across time and space, here for all eternityBut for those two cows I owned one day, a slave to myself and meBut anyway I don't really know...(Leprechaun solo)
Psychedelia : You have two cows. One is purple with pink gumdrop hooves and she jumps over the paisley moon. The other journeys to the centre of the moo-niverse and sees herself journeying the other way. Oom. Peace.
Rap: You have two cows wearing different colors. They belong to different gangs. They shoot each other.
Rave: You have two cows, wearing color lights. They look confused and are consuming pills. Eventually they die of over-hydration.
Riot Grrrl: You have two cows from Seattle. They hate bulls and refuse to be milked because milking is a symbol of the exploitation of cows everywhere.
Romanticism: You have two cows, and they're more emotional than the previous generation.
Screamoo: You have two cows. One of them plays the guitar and the other "sings". The first knows one chord and plays it over and over. The other moos at the top of its lungs and hopes that her mooing was so horrible that nobody could tell how awful the lyrics were.
Ska: You have two black-and-white checkerboard cows. They get tipped and trampled to death in a moshpit.
Surrealism: You have two cows, but are they really cows?
Traditional country : You have two cows. One cheated on her bull and left him crying in his straw. The other is your honky-tonk queen.
Weird Al Yankovic: You have two cows. They play polka versions of popular mooing. Hamsters are somehow involved.


Jan said...

I can't stop laughing!!!

sue said...

O.M.G. I had to stop and come back I was laughing to hard... this is priceless!

Jan said...

After watching the evening news, I had to come back here for more laughs!

This has got to be the funniest thing I've read in a long time..maybe, ever!